


I Turn My Feelings On

by Chash



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Porn, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 03:57:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: When Monty asked Clarke and Bellamy how they knew they were bi, he was expecting some help with his own sexuality crisis. He wasn't really expecting Bellamy to say he did a porno with his best friend. It's a lot to take in even before he finds out said best friend still does porn. And is really hot.





	I Turn My Feelings On

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I'm gonna write some quick Minty porn!  
> Also me: Oops it's 7500 words and there isn't even that much porn.

"How did you guys know you were bi?"

It's a question Monty has been sitting on for a while, and he's finally decided that neither Clarke nor Bellamy is going to be offended by his just _asking_. They've both IDed as bi for as long as he's known them, which for Clarke is since freshman year and for Bellamy is since last semester. They met Bellamy _through_ his non-straightness, in that Clarke was in a queer studies course, and Bellamy was too, and they started arguing, and then stopped arguing and developed feelings, and there was this rom-com misunderstanding where they both thought the other was exclusively same-sex oriented and therefore not interested. They still haven't turned it into a relationship, somehow, but it's only a matter of time.

So they're definitely his best resources for this, romantic incompetence notwithstanding.

"The usual way, I guess," says Clarke. "I was that girl in high school who was, like, _oh I'm straight but not narrow!_ and convinced I was the best ally ever because I was really interested in LBGT issues and--" She waves her hand. "This girl transferred junior year and was out and asked if I wanted to go out with her and I said I was pretty sure I was straight and she let it go, but I couldn't stop thinking about it, and, yeah. First girlfriend."

"Yeah, that's a total stereotype," Bellamy teases, and Clarke pokes his leg with her foot. They're sitting next to each other on Monty's bed, pretending they're not brushing their knees together. It's mostly cute.

"Shut up. What about you?"

"Normal way," he says. It's too casual for Monty to buy it even before he adds a pause for dramatic effect. "Did a porno with my roommate."

Even for Bellamy, it's a lot to manage with total nonchalance. Monty chokes, and even Clarke splutters.

" _What_?" she demands.

"What?" he retorts, smug.

"You did a porno?" she asks. "Like, a real one? Not just a sex tape?"

"We got paid and it's on the internet, so I assume that means it's real. But it was also a tape, so there's probably some kind of square/rectangle thing going on here. Or maybe just a venn diagram. Either way, yeah. Both a sex tape and a porno." He turns his attention to Monty. "For the record, it's shitty that bisexual people feel like we have to have a same-sex experience to be valid, so don't let me and Clarke make you think that's actually a requirement. That's basically entirely social conditioning."

"True, but hold on," says Clarke, holding up her hand. "I'm not done with this _Bellamy made a porno_ thing yet. I have follow-up questions."

"Do you want a link? Would that help?"

She opens and closes her mouth a few times. "Obviously, yes," she settles on. "But--how do you even _get_ in a porno? _Why_ did you get in a porno? And, like--was it really sketchy? Did you feel exploited? What happened?"

"Do we really want to prioritize this over Monty's question?" he asks, raising his eyebrows at Monty.

"Uh, yes, absolutely," Monty says. "I want the answers to all those questions."

"Cool, as long as we're all on the same page." He shakes his shoulders out and leans forward, settling in to storytelling mode. "It's really not a big deal."

"Uh huh," says Clarke. "Stop stalling."

"It's one of those, like-- _straight college guys learn they actually love dicks_ sites. Pretty standard shit. There was an ad on Craigslist, the pay was good, Miller's already gay and I was like, yeah, I could suck a dick for that much."

"And you just _went_? To an open call for a porno you found on Craigslist?"

"Miller was there," he says, with a shrug. "I had a buddy."

"Just because there were two of you doesn't make it _safe_ , Bellamy!" 

"Clearly we were," he shoots back. "Seriously. I still work there, Clarke. I'm not gonna say it's wholesome fun for the whole family, but--"

"Wait, are you saying you _still_ do porn?" Clarke asks.

"No, I just film for them. Miller still does, though."

"How have you never mentioned this?"

"Maybe to avoid this exact conversation?" he suggests, sounding amused. "I don't know. I'm not a big fan of the porn industry on the whole, but I'm basically good with this place as an individual employer. Everyone's informed and consenting, pay's decent, and they make sure everyone gets tested and uses condoms. It was probably stupid to go the first time, but we did, and it turned out okay."

"So you just--made a porno with your best friend, and now you film him having sex?"

"When you say it like that it sounds weird." He shrugs. "Sex just isn't a big deal for me, I guess. It feels good and I like it, but it's pretty separate from the emotional component of relationships for me. I might even be bisexual, heteroromantic, I don't actually know. I've never dated a guy, just fucked one, So I just know I'm into that. Who knows. Labels are always evolving."

"Huh," says Clarke. She leans her head on his shoulder, and Monty bites back on his smile. They're the weirdest kind of cute he's ever witnessed. "Sorry for freaking out."

"Yeah, I saw that coming." He presses his lips to her hair. "I'll still send you a link, don't worry."

"Thanks. Monty, do we need to go back to your thing? Bisexual crisis?"

"Crisis is a pretty strong word. Just--thinking about it."

"Thinking about it is a good place to start," says Clarke, back to being practical and helpful now that she's gotten used to the Bellamy thing. "I thought of myself as bisexual for like a month before I came out to anyone. Just to get used to it."

"Yeah, I've been kind of trying that. I just--yeah, I don't know how to take the final step into feeling cool with it."

"If you ID as bi now and decide you're not later, it doesn't hurt anyone, Monty. Anyone who tells you that you're wrong is an asshole. It's none of their business. Like Bellamy said, labels evolve."

"Which is why I just ID as bi and don't get into my opinions on sex versus romance until we're friends or dating," he adds.

"Exactly," says Clarke. "Whatever feels right. But I guess if you want to just try out sex with a guy, Bellamy's got the hookup."

"As a guy who likes sex, I already had the hookup," he says. "But yeah, you've got options, Monty. Sex with me _or_ sex on camera for money."

"What, he can't get both?"

It's not like Monty was going to sleep with him regardless, but Clarke's tone seals it. Bellamy may not have a problem separating sex from feelings, but Clarke does, and Monty thinks it might break her heart. Besides, he's been thinking of Bellamy as _Clarke's person_ since they met, so he doesn't really know how to switch over to thinking of him as a sexual option. He's hot, but, well. Clarke's.

"Nah," Bellamy says easily. "If he wants to get paid, he should just fuck Miller. I'm happy with the three videos I did. They're a complete story. All franchises need to end. I'm trying to teach _Fast and Furious_ a lesson."

"Wait, you did _three_?" she asks.

Bellamy sighs, like the question is a huge burden, and stands to offer her his hand. "I get it, you're not letting this go. Do you just want to come watch my porn and I'll answer all your questions?"

To her credit, Clarke's eyes flick to Monty, and she waits for him to incline his head before she takes Bellamy's hand and lets him pull her up. "I do have a lot of questions about your porn."

"It's just porn," he says. He glances at Monty, looking thoughtful. "Uh, I know Clarke was joking, but--if you ever want to try out the porn thing, Miller would love to have you. Just let me know."

"Thanks," he says, for general lack of any other response. 

Clarke gives him a quick hug. "Seriously, you get to be whatever you want, Monty. If you think you're bi, you can be bi."

"I know," he says, because he does. "Have fun," he can't help adding, and Clarke flushes and flips him off as she follows Bellamy out.

Overall, a successful first step to identifying as not straight. If he does say so himself.

*

 **Me** : How much of Bellamy's porn did you guys make it through before you jumped him?  
Be honest

 **Clarke** : He asked which one I wanted to watch first and one of the options was just him jerking off, so yeah  
Maybe five minutes  
Generously

 **Me** : Congrats? Or was this just a sex thing for him?

 **Clarke** : No  
We made out a lot and he insisted on buying me dinner after to make it an official date  
Sorry I accidentally turned your bisexuality conversation into getting myself a boyfriend

 **Me** : It's cool  
I don't think any of us predicted Bellamy's secret porn past  
No one could have seen that coming  
Or I guess anyone could have  
That's how porn works  
Was it hot?

 **Clarke** : It was Bellamy jerking off, so  
Yeah  
Obviously  
I'd offer to send the link but I'm assuming that would be weird

 **Me** : Incredibly  
But congrats on the hot porn star boyfriend  
Did you watch the other videos?  
The ones with his friend?

 **Clarke** : Yeah  
Which is gonna be weird since they live together but whatever  
It was hot  
And pretty classy

 **Me** : I'm glad your boyfriend is in good porn

 **Clarke** : Me too  
Seriously, though  
If you need to talk about the bi thing, I'm here any time

 **Me** : I know  
I'm getting used to it  
But it feels right

 **Clarke** : Cool  
Welcome to the club  
We have hot people  
All the hot people

 **Me** : That was the big draw, yeah

*

"So, are you not worried about, like, job prospects?" Monty asks

Bellamy doesn't look up from his book. "I'm graduating this year. That's all I worry about."

"I meant because of the porn thing."

"Oh, yeah," he says. He shrugs. "I don't know. There's really a ton of porn on the internet, you know? If I was still planning to go into teaching, yeah. That would be bad. But it's kind of--" He shrugs. "For one thing, someone has to recognize me. Then they have to decide they don't want to hire me based on that. They might have to explain _why_ they know me, which a lot of people aren't going to want to do. I guess as a calculated risk, it is kind of risky, but I'm willing to put up with it."

"What about your friend? The one who's still doing videos?"

"He wants to be an actor, so he says it's basically accepted that he'll do some porn in his life."

"Is that really a thing?"

"No idea. I figure he's the expert." He regards Monty, critical. "So, uh, I'm guessing you're not asking me about the porn thing because you want to hook up with me like Clarke did."

"Definitely not."

"So, you're thinking about the actual porn thing."

He ducks his head, blushing. "I'm just kind of curious, I guess. Your roommate is, like, an expert. Right?"

"Yeah." He drums his fingers on the desk. "You could just stop by."

"Stop by?"

"The studio. Check it out. Meet Miller. See if you're into it."

"What's Clarke going to say?"

Bellamy actually does think it over. "She's going to want to come along. Hell, she probably already wants to come along already to make sure I'm not getting taken advantage of. But she won't watch or anything, if you want to do one. And, uh, I won't film. I assume that would be weird."

"Every part of this is weird," Monty teases, and Bellamy's mouth tugs up in half a smile.

"Some of us have a more relaxed attitude toward porn."

"Apparently."

"Whatever. I'm going in on Saturday, if you want to check it out. No pressure. Up to you."

"I kind of do."

"Cool. You can tell Clarke, I don't want to."

"Wuss," he says, and Bellamy just grins.

*

By Saturday, Monty is starting to wonder what the fuck is wrong with him. He's not going to do _porn_ , right? He doesn't have anything against porn, just--there's a difference between enjoying porn and participating in it. And he's never been the kind of person to do _anything_ like this. He can't even believe he's considering it.

But Clarke was surprisingly supportive about it, and he does actually generally trust Bellamy and his judgement, so--it's fine. His worst-case scenario here is that he impulsively ends up in a porno, which would be pretty fucked up, but also seems really unlikely.

He still doesn't tell Jasper. There are the friends you can talk to porn about and the ones with whom it's awkward, and Jasper is _definitely_ an awkward porn friend.

Clarke mostly seems curious. "This place looks pretty non-sketchy."

"Yeah, Miller and I came by before we did our first video so we could check it out. It's a pretty normal place."

"That's what they want you to think," Clarke teases, and he rolls his eyes and slings his arms around her shoulders. 

"Uh huh. Come on, Miller's already here."

"You know we've known each other for like six months and this is my first time meeting your best friend, right? And it's at your porn studio."

"Yeah, I wanted to make sure you were attached before I let you see the porn studio. Or the best friend," he adds, after some consideration. "I don't even know when I'm going to feel secure enough in our relationship to let you meet my sister."

"Something to look forward to." She glances back at Monty. "You cool?"

"Awesome."

Bellamy unlocks the door and leads them inside. The place is clean and looks like any other office building, nothing that gives it away as a porn studio. There's a closed door with a red light on outside, which Bellamy explains means they're recording in that room. Which makes Monty insanely curious, but Bellamy just breezes by and opens up the next door.

It looks disconcertingly like a dorm room, just larger and more spread out to make room for equipment. There are two beds that look like they'd be easy to push together, a cheap futon, even some desks and bookcases.

And, as a bonus, there's a really hot guy sitting on the futon with some textbooks.

"You know we don't give tours, right?" the guy asks Bellamy.

"You know you're sitting on your own jizz on that futon, right?" he shoots back.

"Better the jizz you know." He stands and offers his hand. "I assume you're Clarke," he says. 

"That's me," Clarke says. "Miller, right? Not to be awkward, but I recognize you from the porn I watched with Bellamy."

"I get that a lot." He shakes Monty's hand too. "Miller, yeah. Or Nate. Either's fine."

"His porn name is Calvin," Bellamy supplies.

"What's yours?" asks Monty.

"Mike."

"Those are still incredibly boring porn names," says Clarke. "Isn't it supposed to be--first pet and street you grew up on?"

"We're supposed to be average college students," Bellamy says. "Ridiculous porn names don't really work for that."

"That's really disappointing," says Clarke. 

"Sorry my porn career is such a letdown. You want a tour of the rest of the place?" he asks, and he's pretty clearly just asking _her_. Monty's not sure if he's trying to give him and Miller privacy or wants to be alone with Clarke, but either way he will happily hang out with the hot porn boy while they wander off.

"Absolutely," says Clarke, and just like that Monty is alone with Miller/Nate/Calvin.

"Which of your five names do you want me to call you?" he asks.

"Any of them is fine. And Bellamy was exaggerating the amount of jizz on this couch. We wear condoms and clean it all the time. You can sit down."

"Wow, you make it sound really inviting."

He reseats himself and pats the spot next to him in lieu of a verbal answer, and Monty figures if he's touching it with his bare skin, there really can't be anything bad on it. He sits.

"Do you really just hang out and do your homework here?" he can't help asking. It's hard to believe that Bellamy and Miller just treat this place like an ordinary part-time job, hang out here and bring friends, but somehow they do. And they're the experts, so he should try to roll with it.

"I go swimming in the morning. It's closer to come here than go back to the dorm, so I hang out."

"Until work."

Miller slants him a contemplative look. "Until work, yeah."

"What did Bellamy tell you?" he asks. If Miller already knows he's going through a minor sexuality crisis, he doesn't want to rehash that. Maybe Bellamy has it covered. Maybe he doesn't have to worry.

"Not much. He finally hooked up with Clarke so he stopped faceplanting onto my bed and telling me how good her hair smells. And he said he told you and her about the job and she wanted to come make sure he wasn't being brainwashed into thinking the job was safe."

"But nothing about me."

Miller thinks about it. "I asked why it came up and he said you might be bi. So I assumed you wanted to test your gay porn boundaries."

"He said I could be in one," he blurts out.

He'd like to take it as a good sign that Miller looks completely unfazed by the admission, but even having only known Miller for about five minutes, he feels pretty sure that _fazed_ isn't one of his more common states.

"Yeah, you could be. Do you want to be?"

"I want to be sure, I guess. I want to--I don't know. And he made it sound fun."

"If it helps, you don't really think about doing this if you're not sure," he says, with the ease of a professional. "You definitely don't get to the point of coming here. Bellamy's kind of an exception."

"Yeah?"

"He saw the ad and wanted some cash, and he'd never slept with a guy. It seemed perfect. But most of the guys who come in already know they're queer and just pretend they're curious."

"Are you saying porn is unrealistic?" Monty asks, all fake shock, and Miller ducks his head on a laugh.

"You're on the behind-the-scenes tour. Seeing how the sausage gets made."

"You were just waiting to say that, huh?"

"Yeah, it's been in my back pocket for a while. I don't get a lot of visitors, so you're getting all my best material."

"So, what's your--schedule, I guess?"

He checks his phone. "My partner should be here in like twenty minutes. We'll do a couple scenes, done by four, probably. It's a pretty easy day's work."

"Hard day's work," Monty can't help saying, and he snorts.

"That too."

"Do you like it?"

"It's a job," he says. "Some people will tell you, like--" He gives a dismissive wave of his hand. "Getting paid to have sex, that's the dream, but it's not really a lot like having sex for me. It's just orgasms. It's hot, but it's not like I've got a boyfriend or anything. I get paid a really good hourly rate and Roan is fucking serious about STD testing, so yeah. I work one Saturday a month and I don't hate it, but I'm not gonna tell you it's glamorous or the best thing ever or whatever. It's work, and it's not that sexy when you're doing it. I know the videos turn out pretty well, but when you're doing it there are a bunch of people around and there's a director giving notes and people telling you not to come yet."

"So you're telling me I shouldn't do porn."

"I'm telling you Bellamy's the only person who thinks doing porn is a good way to experiment with sexuality. Go to a party and make out with a guy. That's way better."

"Is that what you did?"

"Nah, I was wholesome. I was never into girls, which helped, and my school was really liberal. My friend and I started doing GSA stuff together just to see what it was like. He decided he was bi, I figured I was gay, and we dated for three years, until graduation."

"That does sound really wholesome for someone who ended up doing porn."

Miller shakes his head, but he's smiling. "Yeah, I had a real fall from grace."

The conversation lags, and Monty can't help feeling a little disappointed in where they ended up. There was a part of him that had remembered Bellamy saying _Miller would love to have you_ , and now he can't help thinking that Bellamy was wrong.

Which is stupid, because Miller telling him not to do porn isn't a sign of anything except Miller being less weird than Bellamy. Most people would not advocate for porn as a life choice. It doesn't mean anything.

But Monty kind of wants to make out with him. It says good things about the legitimacy of his bisexuality, but it sucks that he's not interested in that. If he was, he probably wouldn't have told Monty to find a dude at a party. He could have volunteered himself off the clock.

Before he can come up with something else to say, Bellamy and Clarke come back.

"Are you going to do porn?" Clarke asks, without preamble.

Monty tries not to blush, but he doesn't think it works. "Not today."

"Cool." She leans up to give Bellamy a kiss. "Have fun filming your best friend having sex."

It's kind of cute, how goofy his grin goes. "Will do. Have fun not being locked in a hot room with a bunch of naked guys."

"Yeah, that sounds great. Nice to meet you, Miller," she adds.

"You too." Miller offers Monty a smile. "You good?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. Good luck with your stuff."

"Thanks."

As soon as they're outside, the entire experience starts immediately starts feeling unreal. That couldn't have been what he thought it was. This can't be his life. This can't be anyone's life.

"So are you convinced Bellamy isn't going to get himself killed?" he asks Clarke. It feels like the safest takeaway.

"Yeah. And I'm pretty sure the only reason he's still doing it is so Miller has backup. Which is probably the cutest porn thing I've ever heard." She slides him a look. "Did Miller help?"

"Was he supposed to?"

"I figured you guys could have another sexuality talk."

"He told me to find a guy to make out with at a party."

"Probably a better call than doing porn, yeah. If all you want is to do some sexuality verification."

Monty can't help thinking about the curl of Miller's lips, the stupid length of his eyelashes, and the way he always ducked his head when he smiled, like he wanted to keep people from knowing about it. "I feel pretty sure," he says. "Bisexual. I'm bisexual."

Clarke squeezes him around the shoulders, leaning her head on his shoulder as they walk. "You are," she agrees. "Thanks for telling us."

*

On Friday, Clarke texts to invite Monty to Bellamy's for video games, and he feels vaguely pathetic for agreeing primarily in the hopes that Miller will be there. 

Then again, it's not like he has anything else going on. Spending time with friends isn't actually pathetic. Having a crush on his friend's boyfriend's best friend might be a little pathetic, but it's also pretty normal. He met a cute boy he likes. The boy didn't want to have sex with him, but they don't know each other that well yet. Feelings can change. Either his or Miller's.

And Miller is there, which is a good start. He's awesome too: a total badass at video games who trash talks liberally and grins when he wins, bright and flushed with victory. And when it's time for them to leave, Miller's the one who says, "Same time next week?" so he even wants to be friends.

And that's kind of more than Monty can handle, because Miller is perfect. He's hot and awesome and apparently kind of a geek, and even without the porn thing, he's very out of Monty's league. He's one of those cool geeks who are in right now, and Monty is one of those regular geeks who complains about the Hearthstone meta and stays up all night drinking 5-Hour Energy drinks in the comp sci lab. Which Miller doesn't seem to mind, for friendship, but Monty is going a little out of his mind. It's not just that he wants to make out with Miller--which he does--it's that he _could_ , if he just asked to do some porn, _and_ that he knows he could watch porn with Miller in it, if he just found it. He's never been a huge consumer of online porn--he tends to just use his imagination--but now any time he goes looking, he stops by the gay section, and he's aware that he could find something with a familiar face in it, and he's both relieved and disappointed every time he doesn't. Which makes him feel like a huge fucking creep.

Especially as the friendship keeps expanding. It's not just video games; he'll come to Monty's room to study, they get together for movies and parties, they coordinate going to the dining hall. It would be encouraging, except that Miller shows no signs of being interested that Monty can see, and he doesn't want to ask Clarke about it, and wants to ask Bellamy even less.

Which means, after a month and a half, he's desperate enough to finally fill Jasper in on the whole thing. 

The thing about Jasper is that they are still, officially, best friends. They're always going to officially be best friends. Jasper is his best friend in the official way that friends exist when you're kids, when these things really matter. 

But college was hard on them. They'd been planning to go to Ark together, had all these big, stupid dreams about it, and then Monty got in, and Jasper didn't. And Monty didn't blame Jasper for being upset; he was upset too, after all, even as he was excited for himself. He had wanted to go to college with Jasper. He'd even thought about turning down Ark to go to one of their safety schools, but Jasper snapped at him, told him not to be an idiot, so he wasn't.

It would have been bad enough just splitting up, but with their nerves already raw, they started getting in more fights, and at some point Jasper snapped and said Monty just got in because of affirmative action, like his grades weren't _better_ , like he hadn't _worked his ass off_ , and Jasper apologized, but it stung for a long time. 

He apologized again, last year, more genuinely, with an understanding of what he did wrong, and Monty has forgiven him, but he still can't unknow it. He can't forget that Jasper thought that about him, and it made it hard to even think about coming out.

But there's also this horrible way in which it's lower risk. If Jasper is a dick about this, they can be done. It'll be over.

So he goes home for Thanksgiving, they get drunk, and Monty just lays it out. "I've got a crush on this guy."

Jasper swigs straight from the bottle. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. He's--fuck, he's so hot, Jasper."

"What kind of hot? Compare him to a celebrity for me."

Monty thinks it over. "Jesse Williams."

"I don't know who that is. Google him for me."

"We're Facebook friends. I could just show you his picture. Or we could try to find his porn, but that's, like--super creepy, right?"

"Wait," says Jasper. "Hold up. His _porn_? Do you have a thing for a porn star? Holy shit, Monty! You're living the fucking _dream_." He snorts. "Fucking dream. Get it?"

"He's not a porn star. Just a guy who does some porn. Like, amateur stuff, I think. It's supposed to be--" He waves his hand. "Realistic."

"You haven't seen it?"

"It's _super creepy_ ," says Monty. "You can't just go and look for your friend's porn! It's weird! Bellamy _showed_ Clarke his porn. That's okay. But she couldn't have just looked for it."

"How many porn stars do you know?" Jasper asks. He sounds kind of awed. "Are they all dudes?"

"It's a gay porn site, so yeah." He makes a face. "It's fucked up that we call it _gay_ porn, you know that? I'm bi, it's porn for me too. But if you look at bisexual porn is, like, threesomes. Like it's not bisexual if there isn't someone making out with a guy and a girl. Bellamy's bisexual, any porn he's in is bisexual. That's how it _works_."

"Wow," says Jasper. "This got heavy." He pushes the moonshine toward Monty, and Monty drinks. "Bisexual, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Cool." He shakes his head. "Man, bisexual with a crush on a porn star. Your junior year is so much cooler than mine."

It's not a comfort. "Fuck. I don't know what to _do_. Should I do porn? I could do porn."

"Wait, can you?" asks Jasper, perking up. "Is that an option?"

"I don't see why not. I know where the studio is. I could just go in. But I don't want to _make_ Miller do porn with me. I'm pretty sure it's an option but I can't just--"

"Dude. _Dude_. Monty. I know you love thinking too much, but, like--just tell this dude, _hey, I kinda wanna do porn with you_. It's perfect. Like rejection sucks, but this way it's hypothetical. You have the porn excuse. _Porn armor_. This is _perfect_. I'm so jealous."

"I think you haven't actually thought this through," he says, but he's smiling. "Miller said--it's not like sex. Or having a boyfriend. But it's still--he has sex, like--a lot. People pay him to have sex. And I've never even kissed a boy."

Jasper considers for a second, and then leans over and presses his mouth against Monty's. It's sloppy and wetter than he thinks Jasper was intending, but mercifully short and kind of oddly--sweet. At least in intention, if not execution. He's trying to help and be supportive.

"There," says Jasper, nodding to himself. "You kissed a boy."

Monty has to smile. "Yeah. Thanks."

*

The two weeks of time between the end of Thanksgiving break and the start of finals always feels really weird and awkward to Monty, to the extent that he honestly doesn't get why the college just doesn't start the year earlier and have an extended semester break from Thanksgiving to New Year's. If anyone gave him any kind of administrative power, he would make this change immediately, but so far, no one has asked.

It does make the remainder of the semester feel not quite real, though, like he's existing on borrowed time. Which makes it a good time to try to talk to Miller. For one thing, it feels like there are fewer consequences, and, even better, if it goes wrong, they have a long break between semesters, and by the time they get back, the awkwardness will probably have mostly passed.

There's still the problem of what to do, but Bellamy and Clarke have the assist for that. By which he means that when he's already halfway to Miller's place for video games on Friday night, Clarke texts, _Oops, we're out_.

 **Me** : It's ten minutes before we're supposed to meet  
How did you only just realize you wanted to have sex instead???

 **Clarke** : I don't think we have to explain ourselves

 **Bellamy** : Well, we might have to  
But we're not going to right now  
So it's kind of a moot point

 **Clarke** : Yeah that one

 **Miller** : I can't believe you guys are texting and having sex at the same time  
That's dedication

 **Bellamy** : If you can dream it, you can be it, Miller  
Anyway, seriously, sorry  
My sister decided to run away from home and showed up at my apartment, so we're dealing with that  
Have fun having a way better night than I'm going to

 **Miller** : Yikes  
Monty, ETA?

 **Me** : Five minutes  
Sorry about your life, Bellamy

 **Bellamy** : Yeah, I get that a lot

Monty has been alone with Miller a few times, by this point, but never really in _private_. It's always been Bellamy having to leave the library first, or, well, that first day in the studio. They've never been alone in a dorm room. Not one that isn't a porn set.

His life is weird.

Miller technically has a roommate, but Monty has never actually encountered him. According to Miller, to the extent that Murphy lives anywhere, he lives with his girlfriend, but he mostly just passes out wherever he feels like and it's a genuine miracle that he's not dead. Monty honestly cannot tell if he's kidding.

But when Miller opens the door, he is, as usual, alone, and Monty's heart kicks into high gear. It really is just the two of them.

"Hey," says Miller.

"Hey," says Monty. "Sorry, I was already on my way over, so--"

Miller rolls his eyes. "Dude, why are you apologizing? I was going to be bored. We can still play video games, right?"

"I'm pretty sure you could play video games alone," he shoots back, but he's already toeing off his shoes.

"I definitely can and do. Basically all the time. All the more reason to do it with you when I can."

Monty smiles. "Then I don't apologize anymore. Bring it on."

It doesn't even feel awkward, which is kind of a huge relief. It's nice to know they can function without a group. He and Miller are at about the same skill level, so the games are challenging without one of them dominating. His attraction to Miller is this constant, low-level thing, an awareness of how close they are and how they're moving closer together, the knowledge that he smells good and his lips look soft. But Monty doesn't get carried away or anything.

Mostly, it's just fun.

Once they get tired of Mario Kart, Miller asks if he wants to watch a movie or something, and Monty fails to figure out how to turn _or something_ into a hookup, so they just go for _Brooklyn 99_ on Hulu.

"How much acting do you do?" he asks, during the second episode. He doesn't quite mean to, but--he's curious. He doesn't know how to not ask. "Bellamy said you wanted to do it professionally, but--for the videos. What's it like?"

"The porn?"

"Yeah. Are you being yourself, or playing a character?"

He thinks it over. "The first one was actually the weirdest. The one with Bellamy."

"Because you guys were friends?"

"Yeah, but not like you're thinking. But they've got a script, so I was asking Bellamy all these questions I knew the answers to and pretending I didn't. Like--they wanted us to act like we'd never met. That was weird."

"You have a script?"

"Yeah, like--get to know you shit."

"Really? Is that a big draw?"

"It's--" He pauses, regards Monty thoughtfully. Monty doesn't squirm, somehow. "I can show you."

Given Clarke and Bellamy hooked up within about five minutes of watching his porn together, it seems like Monty would be an idiot to say no. And he is really fucking curious.

"Sure."

Miller pauses the TV, but to Monty's surprise he doesn't get his laptop. Instead, he shifts a little on the futon, turning so he's half-facing Monty, one arm stretched behind him on the couch. 

"So, you start with demographic questions," Miller says, and Monty realizes they're not watching a video. Miller is _demonstrating_.

Holy shit, he might actually get laid.

"Okay. Do I need a porn name?"

"Yeah, that's one of the first questions."

He thinks for a second. "Got it. Hit me."

Miller's voice shifts a little, goes from casual to charming. Flirtatious. "So, welcome. I hear you're a little curious."

"Is that seriously your first line?"

"Yeah. It's like the series tagline."

"I feel like you could do better."

"I didn't write it." He shifts a little closer. "It's your line."

"Oh, yeah uh--yes? I'm curious?"

"Awesome. What's your name?"

"Marshmallow York."

Miller _cackles_. "Dude."

"First pet and the street you grew up on, right?"

"Right." He's grinning. "Okay, Marshmallow. What year are you?"

"Junior."

"What's your major?"

"Computer science."

Miller's thumb brushes against his shoulder, just a little. "Yeah? So you're kind of working the hot nerd vibe, huh?"

"The nerd vibe, anyway," he says, trying not to blush.

"Don't sell yourself short." He shifts closer. "You ever kiss a guy before?"

"Oh fuck, I actually have," he says without thinking, and Miller laughs again, surprised.

"Yeah, we usually have you say no. When'd that happen?"

"I came out to my best friend over Thanksgiving. I told him I'd never kissed a guy and he decided to help me out. That sounds like that start of a really cute _how we got together_ story, but he's straight, so it was just kind of funny. He was so drunk."

"Okay, so you've never had a _good_ kiss with a guy."

"No."

Miller's right hand comes up to rest on his knee, rubbing his leg through the denim of his jeans. Monty's breath catches. "But you've thought about it. Being with a guy."

He swallows. "Yeah."

"What have you thought about doing?" he asks.

There is an infinitesimal chance that Monty is misreading this situation, and that Miller thinks this is a normal thing that people do with their platonic friends. 

But it's such a small chance he can't actually make himself worry about it, so he leans across the remaining distance between them to press his lips to Miller's.

It is, at least, a better kiss than the one from Jasper, right from the start. It lands on center, Monty's mouth isn't half open and trailing over Miller's chin, and everyone is sober. It has the potential to go spectacularly wrong, but the beginning is solid. And then Miller smiles, slides his hand up to cup Monty's jaw, and and presses in, and Monty finds himself smiling too.

"That's my line," Miller murmurs against his lips.

"What, the inexperienced guys never get to make the first move?"

"You're supposed to be nervous."

"Oh, yeah, trust me, I'm petrified."

Miller kisses him again, short, just quick, but he nips Monty's bottom lip as he pulls back. "You shouldn't be."

"Okay," Monty agrees, and slides closer on the couch. "Then I'm not."

This time, when he kisses Miller, neither of them pulls back. Miller repositions a little, getting more comfortable, and Monty takes the lead, letting his tongue slide against Miller's lips, feeling his heart swoop when he opens easily to let him in. When he pushes forward, Miller goes along with that too, and suddenly Monty is on top of him on the futon, and they're making out like it's going out of style. Miller's hands skirt up under his shirt, sliding up his back, and Monty pulls back to just tug it off and throw it aside.

Miller smirks.

"You know we don't actually have to live out a porno, right?" he asks. And then, to Monty's surprise, the smirk fades, and he looks away. If Monty didn't know better, he'd say he was _embarrassed_. "Not, like--If you want to, we can, but--you don't have to rush."

It takes a second for him to figure it out, but just a second, and he leans down to kiss Miller again, slow.

"Can I do both?"

"Both?"

"Get laid tonight and not rush it tomorrow?" He wets his lips. It somehow never occurred to him, that _Miller_ might be nervous about this. That he might think all of Monty's interest was sexual. But he said it the first time they met: he does porn, and it's nothing like having a boyfriend. And Monty's been a lot more focused on the porn part. It felt like the part he could get, but--maybe not. "I really like you. Like--a lot. But you're also just--" He lets his eyes trail over Miller, lying on the futon under him. "Wow."

Miller grins. "You're pretty wow yourself."

Monty worries his lip. "Is it bad if I make you elaborate on that? Because you're, like-- _really_ wow. Eyelashes and mouth and like--everything. And that's not even getting into your personality."

"You know once you're straddling me on a couch you can stop picking me up, right? Read the room, dude." He tugs Monty back, sliding his hand into his hair and kissing him open-mouthed and greedy. It's not as if Monty is inexperienced, exactly, he--he had a girlfriend in high school--but he's not used to kissing like this, kissing as foreplay, not the main event. 

"I just want to make it really, _really_ clear that I don't want this to be--"

"You want to go steady?" Miller asks, cutting him off with another kiss.

"Yes."

"Awesome. "You want to get naked tonight?"

"Fuck yes."

"Even better." He gives Monty's chest a slight shove. "If you're not attached to the porn fantasy, want to go on the bed instead?"

"You _started_ the porn fantasy," Monty grumbles, sliding off him and stretching. Miller stands too, slides his arms around Monty's waist and pulls him in for a warm kiss, making him melt.

"Well, if you've got any non-porn fantasies, I'm all ears."

"I've never done any of this before," Monty says. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Breathe," says Miller. "Just do want you want."

"I want to get you naked," he admits, and Miller obligingly pulls off his own shirt, which is--seriously, Miller does not get how hot he is. He can't. It's not possible, or this wouldn't be happening.

Monty pushes him back onto the bed and kisses him again, wet and deep and frantic.

"You like being on top, huh?" Miller teases.

"You're going too slow," Monty says, running his hands over Miller's chest. "Sorry. We can be romantic tomorrow. Tonight, I really want to figure out how your dick works."

"Same as yours."

"Just tell me if I'm doing something wrong."

Miller pulls him up for another quick kiss. "Not possible." He smirks, which is less unfair than it used to be. Before they were dating. "Trust me, as a professional? It's not rocket science. I'm going to have fun, Monty," he adds, smile going soft. Which is even worse than the smirk. "We're not in a hurry."

"No," Monty agrees. "But I really want to suck your dick."

Miller shrugs, magnanimous, but he can't keep the smile off his face. "If you insist."

He doesn't do it immediately, of course; Monty understands the value of foreplay. They make out for a while before they even lose their jeans and boxers, which is probably good, because as soon as he can _see_ Miller's dick, it's all over. It's still a little intimidating, but in the best way, a new challenge to figure out. He explores with his fingers first, getting a feel for what Miller likes, and Miller's almost incoherent by the time Monty's leaning in to try out the whole sucking dick thing.

He still manages, "Condom."

Monty blinks. "What?"

"I get tested a lot, but--just to be safe."

"Oh, yeah," he agrees, and between the two of them, they get the condom on. He wasn't imagining this moment with the latex, but he knows it's the right call, and the way Miller's hands tangle in his hair and the noises he makes more than makes up for the taste. It's still fucking _awesome_ , and he feels a little like a rock star when Miller comes gasping his name.

And once he's regained his breath, Miller pushes Monty onto his back, rolls a condom down, and returns the favor, so, yeah. 

He feels like he's pretty good at the bisexuality thing.

*

"This is so boring," Monty says.

As relationship steps go, he's not sure where watching your boyfriend's porn is supposed to fit in, but he and Nate are doing it in the third week, to celebrate Nate's official retirement from the profession. Monty had found that he honestly would have been fine with him keeping the job, and didn't even feel weird about it, given the clear distinction Nate's always made between _porn_ and _boyfriend_ , but Nate says he hasn't had a boyfriend since he started the porn thing, and it turns out he's too monogamous for it.

It's cute.

"Boring?" Nate asks, amused. 

"Obviously, aesthetically it's great," he says. "But I've seen your sets, you could be doing so much more. You could be his tutor and he's secretly got a crush on you and--"

"Monty," says Nate, kissing his shoulder. "It's basically a fetish site. The fetish is bi-curious college guys. That's the whole point."

"You could have a _plot_ with it," he grumbles. "Before you stick your dick in his mouth. You guys could have backstory. Some emotional connection. The interview portion doesn't cut it."

"So, you waited this long and my porn is a total let down, huh?" 

"I'd probably be enjoying it more if I hadn't already seen you naked," he admits. "But, yeah, now that I know what your dick looks like and the sexual frustration is gone? I'm giving your porn a C+. Sorry."

Nate just laughs. "Good thing I'm done with that and into a more realistic relationship."

"Yeah," Monty agrees, closing the browser window and craning around for a long kiss. "Good thing."


End file.
